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Today, the oldest and largest portion of our mediation
services remains in the area of divorce and family mediation. Our experience indicates the
need for addressing issues regarding separation in three parameters:
 Physical
Separation
Emotional Separation
Legal
Separation
MNS with its cadre
of cooperative professionals is set up to handle all of three of these dimensions, if the
parties are willing. As an alternative we will work with only those to which the parties
mutually agree to undertake. We feel it is important to address all of these parameters
for our clients to receive the best service and to insure a durable agreement with
emotional closure. Our process
includes an introductory session with the Director, Ronald W. Heilmann to explain
mediation as applicable to separation and/or divorce, assess the current situation of the
parties, explore alternatives for proceeding, develop a proposed agenda and give some
estimate as to the cost of our services. Ample time is given to answering questions and
understanding the process before a commitment is undertaken. If and when the parties wish
to engage in mediation the parties are then matched to a suitable mediator for scheduled
sessions. If the parties are not comfortable with the assigned mediator an alternative may
be selected from our panel. If the participants do not want to work jointly, or the
mediator thinks it advisable to meet separately, individual sessions are scheduled. MNS
places a great deal of importance with linkages to lawyers and mental health practitioners
which may already be involved with the parties. We believe clients do best when all
participants are working towards the same goals and coordinate their activities around the
mediation. If the parties do not have these supports we can build them in from our own
Network. Services for children are also available upon request.
Our focus is on the needs
of ALL the family members. We acknowledge up front certain biases which we hold with
regards to divorce and family mediation:
(1) We see the family as a whole and realize that
the needs of all the family members must be met for an agreement to be successful in the
long run. The courts will only look at the "best interests of the child" but in
mediation we are free to satisfy the needs of all the family members. We believe if the
parents are not mutually satisfied, the children will still ultimately pay the price. At
the same time we insist the parents consider carefully the welfare of their children
rather than be focused on their own individual needs. We help balance all these factors.
(2) Another of our biases is a commitment to fostering
continued contact between both parents and their children. We make no assumptions about
joint, sole, or split custody; and we do not espouse any particular arrangement but we do
want to know HOW the parents will agree to continue the effective parenting of their
shared children with least disturbance to the mode of parenting already in place between
the mother and father. We are also committed to being sure that adequate support for the
children is provided for by both parents.
(3) “Equitable Distribution” as
required by law in New York State means a roughly 50/50 division of marital assets with a
subjective sense of fairness between the parties. Although the New York State statute is
relatively clear the exact interpretation of the statute seems to vary. Therefore we have
taken the above interpretation and we are making this known to our clients. Some of our
clients select a strict 50/50 interpretation, and others make arrangements short of this,
but they consent to this being “fair and equitable.” While our interpretation is
the beginning point, our clients are free to make whatever arrangements they believe is
right for them. Parties are free and encouraged to create whatever agreements they wish so
long as they are within generally acceptable legal limits. We encourage creative solutions
to meet the specific and unique needs of each family both in the short and long term .
Individuals who do not have children are even more encouraged to utilize mediation as a
faster and more economic way to separate or divorce. Parties who already basically know
what they want to do need not open themselves unnecessarily to adversarial proceedings. In
mediation they can usually achieve their desired results in just a few meetings. Again, we
encourage couples to be creative in coming to terms with each other in as efficient a
manner as possible. The purpose of mediation is to minimize the personal distress
transitions often cause. Hopefully the participants use this experience as an educational
tool to help them solve future problems which will undoubtedly occur after separation or
divorce. This is especially true as life gets more complicated by the addition of new
relationships if the parents remarry. There are times when couples are simply unsure about whether or not to separate or
divorce. Ambivalence around this is generally seen by us as healthy. Very often people get
divorced because they simply do not know what else to do. They have been struggling for so
many years and yet seem unable to significantly change their lives. Unlike some other
mediation services we welcome couples who find themselves in this position. We invite
parties to consult with us until they can come up with a plan that will help them resolve
their ambivalence. The least we can do is give parties a forum to further their efforts
even if they are not sure about what to do. The cardinal rule for us is only to do what
both parties can agree to do. We help people find ways to move themselves along in spite
of their ambivalence and respecting their ambivalence.
Back To Types
of Mediation
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